WHAT YOU CAN DO.

Many of us may not discover that we are in a violent relationship until its way too late. As we discussed previously many relationships, but not all, go through the "Cycle of Violence". Where the same things happen over and over again. However, for the ones that go through all of the 3 stages which we discussed briefly in the my previous introductory discussion. 1- The Tension-Building Stage, 2- The Explosion, 3- The "The I'M Sorry" Stage. I really want to spend some time on each of these stages separately giving them each individual attention so as to cover all of the specific details and warning signs. This hopefully, will help you to identify your unique situation and find ways to confront this issue in a personal and private way which will lead you to recognise and admit and that there is a problem. My wish is that you would gain the confidence and courage before its too late to be rescued and delivered.
Firstly, let us explore, The Tension Building Stage - Or when tension starts building. This is primarily the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. This is the stage where you begin to feel helpless in the relationship. No matter what you do ,you can't seem to please your partner. Your partner may shout, blame, criticize, threaten, call you names or refuse to speak to you at times. These are the different types of incidents which occurs that we need to pay particular attention to. These incidents are so designed by the batterer to break you down emotionally and mentally. It is the stage at which the batterer is setting himself up to start having total control over you. You are now in the critical stage. This is when you need to ask yourself some serious questions. If your answer confirms your suspicion and gut feeling, then this stage is already occurring we need to take action from here on. You are in an abusive relationship.

• Pay attention to your feelings. Are you tense, fearful or on edge all the time?
• Are you minimizing or denying the danger?
• Are you becoming more secretive about what goes on behind closed doors?

It is important to note that you have absolutely no control over the way a batterer thinks or acts. Don't try to argue or reason with them. You can not change a batterers mind or behavior so don't try. The only person you have control over is you. This is a dangerous situation to find yourself in, so get away if you can. Don't ever say to a batterer that you are leaving, this will ultimately put you in more danger. It is however, important to note that through all that is going on in your head at the time we need to keep things in perspective. The batterer is the one with the problem and its he/she that needs to get help.

For help please keep this number close to you or on speed-dial in your phone.

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Keep Your Head Up!

Maro.