What You Can Do

We have begun to list the 3 stages that abuse goes through in the cycle of violence. We have spoken about (1)The tension building stage. Now we are going to explore the second stage which is (2) The Explosion - The explosion can be verbal, physical and /or sexual (rape). The batterer may scream, yell, shove, slap, hit, punch, pinch, kick, break things, twist your arm, or even use a weapon to frighten you.

You need to find ways to protect yourself:

1) Get away as quickly as possible, if you can.

2) Try to avoid unsafe areas in you home. Never run into the kitchen (this is where your knives are kept). Never go in the basement or the garage (this is where tools are usually stored). If there is a known fire arm stored in the home stay away from that room. Definitely avoid rooms with one exist and hard tiled surfaces (bathrooms).

3) If however, you are being hit, protect your face with your hands and arms. If you are knocked down, curl up in a ball on the floor and continue to protect your face and your head.

4) As soon as you can, get away, run and yell for help to safety.

The key to your survival is to have a plan in place once you have begun to see the warning signs.


Be safe...remember, you are worth a whole lot more.

Maro...

WHAT YOU CAN DO.

Many of us may not discover that we are in a violent relationship until its way too late. As we discussed previously many relationships, but not all, go through the "Cycle of Violence". Where the same things happen over and over again. However, for the ones that go through all of the 3 stages which we discussed briefly in the my previous introductory discussion. 1- The Tension-Building Stage, 2- The Explosion, 3- The "The I'M Sorry" Stage. I really want to spend some time on each of these stages separately giving them each individual attention so as to cover all of the specific details and warning signs. This hopefully, will help you to identify your unique situation and find ways to confront this issue in a personal and private way which will lead you to recognise and admit and that there is a problem. My wish is that you would gain the confidence and courage before its too late to be rescued and delivered.
Firstly, let us explore, The Tension Building Stage - Or when tension starts building. This is primarily the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. This is the stage where you begin to feel helpless in the relationship. No matter what you do ,you can't seem to please your partner. Your partner may shout, blame, criticize, threaten, call you names or refuse to speak to you at times. These are the different types of incidents which occurs that we need to pay particular attention to. These incidents are so designed by the batterer to break you down emotionally and mentally. It is the stage at which the batterer is setting himself up to start having total control over you. You are now in the critical stage. This is when you need to ask yourself some serious questions. If your answer confirms your suspicion and gut feeling, then this stage is already occurring we need to take action from here on. You are in an abusive relationship.

• Pay attention to your feelings. Are you tense, fearful or on edge all the time?
• Are you minimizing or denying the danger?
• Are you becoming more secretive about what goes on behind closed doors?

It is important to note that you have absolutely no control over the way a batterer thinks or acts. Don't try to argue or reason with them. You can not change a batterers mind or behavior so don't try. The only person you have control over is you. This is a dangerous situation to find yourself in, so get away if you can. Don't ever say to a batterer that you are leaving, this will ultimately put you in more danger. It is however, important to note that through all that is going on in your head at the time we need to keep things in perspective. The batterer is the one with the problem and its he/she that needs to get help.

For help please keep this number close to you or on speed-dial in your phone.

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Keep Your Head Up!

Maro.

It is a reality that women all over the world are victims of Domestic violence. However, as a Caribbean woman and a victim of domestic abuse, I am very passionate about this issue affecting women of my native land and sister islands.
The main issue in domestic violence is the, "Cycle of violence", itself. Not all relationships follow this "cycle of violence",but there are three fundamental stages that a troubled relationship goes through and these stages can be listed as (1) The Tension-Building Stage (2) The Explosion (3) The "I Am Sorry Stage. However, not all batterers say,"am sorry", and an apology does not determine your safety from this act of violence.
Domestic violence is against the law. If your partner hits you report it to the police as soon as possible. Remember, the police can come to you or you can go to him/her. Everything you discuss with the police is held confidential and you will have the opportunity to file a report.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you that abuse is your fault. No one ever deserves to be battered.